Kink: Fact or Fiction?
Disclaimers
Like some of my earlier blog posts, I’m going to start this one off with some disclaimers:
I’m going to pose numerous questions without answering any of them. If debate and hypotheticals bother you, maybe skip this post.
This post is not meant as an instruction guide. You (an adult human) are personally responsible for educating yourself regarding sex, kink, and potentially risky behavior. There are numerous resources out there (some of which are linked at the end), but this blog post isn’t one of them.
There is a kink for almost anything you can imagine and plenty of things you’ve never thought of before. It is not the intention or aim of this post to discredit, shame, or undermine the preferences or activities of any individuals or groups. You do you, boo.
Definitions
BDSM: bondage, discipline (or domination), sadism, and masochism (as a type of sexual practice)
Kink: the use/participation in non-conventional sexual practices. (So BDSM qualifies as kink but there are kinky practices that fall outside of BDSM.)
Smut: Written media (books, fanfic, etc.) containing sexually explicit scenes
iykyk: If you know, you know
Now, on to the good stuff.
Between my early days of beta reading fanfic, years of professional editing, and my leisure reading, you could say that I’ve read a lot of romance. And one of my absolute favorite trends in the book world is seeing more smut. Yeah, you read that right! I’m happy there’s more smut in the world!
Why?
Sexual empowerment for everyone!
Regardless of your gender or sexuality, it’s likely that sex will play a role in your adult life at some point. The increased popularity of romance books and smut has the potential to make a whole lot of people feel seen and understood in ways that visual media hasn’t.
Privacy.
Written media (particularly via e-readers and handheld devices) has the potential to be consumed more privately than other media (film, tv, etc.). You don’t need headphones or an empty house to read a book—especially if it has a discreet cover.
Escapism.
Romance is widely popular because it allows readers to emotionally immerse themselves in fantasies of their choosing. While romance and smut are not synonymous, smut is more frequently found in romance compared to other genres.
Inspiration.
The terms “book boyfriend” and “book girlfriend” aren’t just for fictional characters we all have crushes on. They also may have the ability to model healthy and caring romantic relationships for readers who lack real-world examples.
Representation & Education.
Representation matters. Readers deserve to see characters like them in literature. They also deserve to see characters who are different from them. Representation helps with self-confidence, empathy, and compassion. Thanks to the growing popularity of self-publishing, there’s a lower barrier to entry for diversity among authors.
So, where does kink come in?
With the new booming popularity of romance and smut has also come increased visibility of kink and BDSM in literature. The world of unconventional sex is very much a case of iykyk. But what if you don’t know?
The Questions
The idea of “What if you don’t know?” spun and spun in my head until two more eloquent questions formed:
1. How many authors writing BDSM/kink know what they’re talking about?
2. What (if any) responsibility do authors have to portray BDSM/kink accurately?
Some Data
When I recently polled my IG followers, 78% indicated that they have read fiction containing BDSM or kink. Of those same followers, 63% have indicated that they’ve felt inspired by BDSM/kink in books, and another 11% indicated “sometimes” feeling inspired. Of those same participants, only 39% indicated that they have ever written BDSM or kink. If you’re a visual learner, see below for some charts!
Have you ever read fiction containing BDSM or kink?
Have you ever felt inspired by BDSM/kink in books?
Have you ever written BDSM/kink?
Some Surprises
Looking at the authors specifically, things get very interesting.
Of the authors who indicated that they’ve written BDSM or kink in their stories, 44% indicated that they researched the topics that they wrote about. 33% indicated that they sometimes research for their books and 22% indicated that they didn’t put in any research when writing about BDSM or kink.
Did you research for your BDSM/kink writing?
Then, I asked participants to scale their knowledge of BDSM conventions and standard from 0–10 where 0 is no knowledge and 10 is expert knowledge.
The average was a 4.8! Around three-quarters of the authors who have written BDSM/kink have researched the topics, but only about one-quarter of those same authors rated themselves as having above-average (>5) knowledge of the topic.
How would you rate your knowledge of BDSM conventions on a 0-10 scale?
More Questions
When I did this math, I was really surprised. Revisiting my initial questions with this info in mind, only brought even more questions forward:
If authors are writing about topics that they don’t consider themselves very knowledgeable about, what drives their writing? Are they writing kink because they want to learn more about it or simply because it’s popular?
For those that aren’t writing BDSM/kink based on research, what is it based on?
Is it based on personal experience or imagination?
If it’s based on their imaginations, how does the lack of real-world knowledge/research change the nature of their writing?
As I said earlier, a huge draw of romance is escapism. We love shadow daddies, fae, and all sorts of other magical and mythical creatures of imagination. So, if readers can suspend disbelief, what obligation do authors face to write kink founded in real life?
If a character is a doctor, we don’t expect the author to go to med school for research, do we?
When you ignore some of the rules of reality (see: magic), do all the rules get thrown out? Do you need to bring up safe words and scene negotiation for an 800-year-old psychic vampire? What if your character is the devil—Lucifer Morningstar, himself?
Where do you draw the line between accurate representation and suspension of disbelief?
No Conclusions, Just Opinions
I said it in the intro but I want to say it here again. I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know that I even have any of the answers. But I will leave you with a few of my personal opinions as food for thought:
Readers with personal knowledge can tell the difference between authors who write from experience and those who don’t. Readers who know know.
Readers with personal knowledge can tell the difference between authors who write from research and those who don’t. Again, readers who know will know.
Readers with no personal knowledge will know nothing except what you (the author) tell them.
Do I think this means that authors are always meant to responsibly write kink within fiction?
Yes and no. While this sounds like a cop-out, it isn’t intended as one. Books are different, kinks are different, scenes are different, readers and authors are different. I’m not comfortable dealing in absolutes.
Content/trigger warnings for smut including BDSM and/or kink should be clear, concise, and easy for readers to find.
If you don’t know whether something warrants a CW/TW, ask those who have read your writing (alpha/beta readers, CP, editors, friends, ARC readers, sensitivity readers, etc.). If you’re unsure, err on the side of caution.
It’s okay to stay inside of your comfort zone. Just because smut and kink are popular in media doesn’t mean that you need to read/write either.
Resources
Smut Source by Smut Lovers (for articles on writing BDSM and smut, as well as resources to find kink-specific sensitivity readers)
6 Tips for Writing Erotica by DesdemonaDeBlake (for erotica writing tips)
ESW's Beginner's guide to Kink/BDSM/Fetish (for an overview on kink, kink-specific terms, and links to additional resources)
